Lesson #3: How to Avoid Being “That Person” in Class

And we gon find you.

Immediately upon reading the title of this post, you thought of someone. A particular name or face popped into your head, and you inwardly groaned. You had the sudden urge to throw a textbook across the room or invest in some chloroform. But fear not, my fellow college-goers! This post is dedicated to the prevention and treatment of such people. I have listed some helpful tips to avoid being “that person”. So tell your kids, tell your wife, and tell your husband, ‘cause I’m informing everyone about this.

 

1. Raising Your Hand

So you know the answer to the professor's question. You have a relevant story to share with the class. Good for you! Feel free to participate and both better your education and possibly enlighten your classmates. However... That does NOT mean that you must sit with your hand raised during the professor's lecture, impairing the view of those sitting behind you, for ten whole minutes. Unless your professor is blind or incredibly oblivious, THEY SEE YOU. They are attempting to educate your tiny brain, so put your hand down and listen. It's probably on the next test, and you're not taking notes. Is your question that important? I doubt it.

2. Offering Irrelevant Information

This point may be paired with #1; if you are going to raise your hand and share something with the class, please double check that what you have to say is:

• relevant - in some way - to the discussion.
• not being said in a pathetic attempt to impress the professor.
• not being said to try to improve your current academic reputation.
• respectful towards others.
• something that can from a credible source.
• not something that you just made up a few minutes ago. 

3. Working in groups

In the future, I will create a post entirely dedicated to group projects (and how close to hell they usually become), but I will skim the surface and address the dreaded spontaneous in-class group work:  Group work is just that - working in a group with equal participation. It is NOT an opportunity for you to either:  a) become a Hitler-like dictator and delegate what each person may or may not do, or b) leave the project to the "smart kid" in the group. If your name is going on that paper, you better have contributed to it.


4. Dear Adult Students...

I don't mean to be insensitive. I really don't. If you're ambitious enough to go back to school and get your degree later in life, more power to you. You have every right to chase after your dreams. HOWEVER...

• We know you have kids. We also know that you love those kids (as you should). But please, please, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF PEDAGOGY... Stop inserting your kids into every single subject known on the planet. I'm sure Timmy is an absolute delight, but do we really need to hear about him losing his first tooth? Playing with matchbox cars? Taking an hour-long nap yesterday? Eating oatmeal this morning? .......If you're wondering what the answer is, it's no.
• If you have taken part in the profession being studied in this particular class (e.g. a seasoned teacher taking classes for educators), please realize that just because you have some experience under your belt, that does not make you God. Far from it, actually. Also, if you say, "Well, when I was a substitute..." one more time, I'm going to chuck all ten of our textbooks for the class at your face. I get it. You used to teach.Whoop-dee-doo.
• We are adults. Although there might be a 20+ age gap between us, we're still adults. That means that we deserve to be treated like a co-worker rather than your daughter's best friend or the babysitter. We are students in a professional setting. Unless you have written a book on pedagogy, attended several conventions for educators, and spoke with the Secretary of Education... You are on the same exact level as we are. You're no higher than any of us. (By the way, we're not "kids", thankyouverymuch.)

 5. How to Answer a Question

Now that you know when to ask/answer a question, I'll explain how to answer as well. This is probably the most important point in this post, so take notes:

• Keep it simple, stupid. No, really. Your answer should not take longer than 1 minute to complete. If you continue to talk for any longer, you're just rambling and you're being obnoxious. Just summarize your answer and say it. (Note: This rule may be dismissed in a few cases, such as wasting time to delay a quiz/discussion/exam or to appease the professor if they seem annoyed with the lack of participation.)
• Use simple words. You are not a thesaurus. When answering a question, speak as if you were conversing with a classmate. Don't try to use big, flowery words to impress the professor/other students/yourself. You sound ridiculous, and you're not fooling anyone. (And for Pete's sake, if you are going to use those big words, use them correctly to spare me from rolling my eyes.)
• Answer Productively. Don't restate what the professor just said. Don't try to "elaborate" on what your peers have already said (which, 99% of the time, is just restating whatever they said). Before you decide to share with the class, make sure what you have to say is worthwhile. Otherwise, resist the urge. You'll keep my blood pressure at a reasonable level.

I hope this helps! Oh, and one more thing... If you still aren't able to think of someone who can be classified as "that person", IT'S YOU.

Lesson #2: The Library

                If your campus is lucky enough to have a library that is accessible to all students, then chances are that you will eventually wish to take advantage of this glorious space of studying and fun times. (In the words of the great Dr. Robert Carballo:   “Have you ever heard of a university without a library? Ridiculous.”)  That being said, there is a particular code of conduct in the library. In case you were not lucky enough to have been taught this code around the age of – uhhh – five or so, I shall provide a few guidelines for you:

(See Rule #3)

1.       SERIOUSLY, BE QUIET.  And I don’t mean that the library isn’t a place for group projects. I also don’t mean that the occasional quiet conversation can’t take place. People are trying to study and do something with their lives, whether you approve of this or not. Still confused about what “BE QUIET” actually means? Here are some things NOT to do…

• DO NOT talk on your phone (especially not on speaker phone).
• DO NOT eat from a family-sized bag of Doritos, which comes in a very loud, crackly bag.
• DO NOT play music or Youtube videos on your laptop without earbuds.
• DO NOT laugh like a hyena.
• DO NOT expect sympathy from your fellow library-goers if someone gets fed-up with your behavior and decides to viciously maul you.

2.       PRINTERS ARE MACHINES, NOT MAGIC LAMPS.  Even if you really wish for 50 copies of that 20-page document the professor told you to print 2 weeks ago, you should avoid being “that person” during the busy-printing hours. “Busy printing hours” can be easily described as the times in the library when 20 people are trying to print something off in the same 30-second time period. If it can wait, let it. If not… wait anyway.

3.       ONE PERSON DOES NOT REQUIRE AN ENTIRE TABLE.  Let’s get real – If you’re one person, you can totally take one of those cubicle-y things on the second or third floor behind the bookshelves. In fact, you’d like it there. No one bothers you, you get a little window all to yourself… Cozy! Plus, then you won’t fall victim to glares and possible death threats if you take a table away from people with a group project. You know – people who actually need an entire freakin’ table.

4.       ACT YOUR AGE; NOT YOUR SHOE SIZE.  ……..Pretty self-explanatory, I would hope.

He gets it.

 

Congratulations! You’ve successfully completed Lesson #2 of “Campus Courtesy”.

…But in the off chance that your campus happens to lack a library (or at least one that is able to be used at this time), feel free to disregard these rules.

Lesson #1: Sidewalk Etiquette

Point #1:  People on college campuses do not know how to share sidewalks.

I've developed a list of the most popular (or most witnessed) reasons as to why sidewalks are not shared:

• Listening to music - I like music as much as the next person, but listening to music does not give you the right nor the excuse to take up the entire sidewalk and walk at an excruciatingly slow pace while helpless fast-walkers (such as myself) try fruitlessly to pass you.
  
• Couples - Look, I understand that you're in love and that you were meant to be together for all of eternity (whether that's actually true or not); however, walking down the middle of the sidewalk, hand-in-hand, is really obnoxious. Like the music-listener, you walk at an unbelievably slow pace, and - not helping the situation at all - you occasionally pause to kiss or smile lovingly at each other or (Hey, I've seen it happen.) make out right before reaching the crosswalk. I know that when you look at the person you love, it may seem like you two are the only people on earth... but you're not. I'm walking behind you, and I'm trying to get to Modern American fiction. Move it.
  
• Texting/Talk on phone - You are just as bad as the previous two categories. Firstly, have you ever seen the video of that woman who was texting while walking and ending up tripping and falling into a fountain in a mall? That's your future. And if you're talking to someone on the phone, please pick up the pace... and for the love of Pete, TURN OFF SPEAKER PHONE. Especially if you're talking about very personal things. I really don't want to hear both sides of the conversation.
  
• Naturally slow walkers - To the people who fall under this category:  I pity you for not carrying the fast-walking gene. I won't yell at you. I promise........... But if you're holding one of those family-sized umbrellas and blocking the sidewalk, I'm still going to get annoyed.
  
• Walking with a group that includes everyone and your grandma - Contrary to popular belief, it IS possible to walk in a large group and still allow opposing traffic to walk along the sidewalk. I know you want to stand next to Steve, Joe, Timmy, Brian AND Larry... but you can't. Sometimes in life, you can't get what you want.